Saturday, September 5, 2009

I Am Surrounded.

It was a foggy, misty morning. When I got up this morning, I noticed all the spiderwebs on the balcony were covered in dew. It was pretty.

Spiderwebs

Monday, August 24, 2009

Cakes! A New Way to Be Passive Aggressive.

We need more cake. There is never enough cake. Life passes us by, things are changing in the world and not enough of it is commemorated with cake.

Problem: solved. Here is a site that allows you to digitally decorate a cake and send it via e-mail. For example, I just "baked" this cake and it is right now sitting in someone's inbox ready to be "eaten":

cake


Can we abuse this? I think so. Did your mom forget your cat's birthday? Did no one in your office even notice you got bangs? Send me an e-mail and I will "bake" you a cake. No event? No issue there. I will make one up. Or if you are moved to do so, bake ME a freaking cake. Either way, let's share some sugar: sheiladilling (at) yahoo (dot) com.

All kinds of credit: (I found this via @Flounce on twitter. Here is her cake. And it looks like SHE found this via Cake Wrecks, which is the most disturbingly hysterical blog about eff-ed up cakes on the internet AND THE UNIVERSE. If you have never seen it, please please PLEASE click on it and behold the most hideous piles of sugar and goo you have ever seen. Oh, and follow @Flounce - she's a funny lady.)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Lazy People Food

I got home at 8:49 this evening. By 8:55, I had cooked myself some grub and was heartily scarfing it down. I do not own a microwave. So I had to actually cook and assemble ingredients and not just beep-boop-beep-beep myself some dinner.

I used a recipe I found a couple years ago when I went on an I'm-gonna-cook-breakfast-everyday-before-work kick, which lasted about three days before I went back to eating instant oatmeal. But the recipe was so easy and tasty, I kept making it. In fact, I abused it. It was black and blue. But I didn't care because another good thing about this recipe is that it uses stuff that is usually already in the pantry or fridge. So, YAY, for people like me who hate/forget to buy groceries. Oh, and it's fairly healthy at least compared to what you would zap. It's a really quick huevos rancheros variation that I found either from Martha Stewart's Everyday Food mag or Smitten Kitchen. Heck, let's give them both credit - good job, guys! You are making lazy people like me even lazier.

Materials-wise you will need: saucepan, frying pan (a little one is best), spatula.
Grocery-wise all you need is: a corn tortilla, cheese, an egg, black beans, salsa.
- Turn two burners to medium heat.
- Pour can of black beans in a saucepan.
- Stir a tablespoon of salsa into the black beans (or season w/hot sauce if you prefer)
- Spray pan with non-stick spray.
- Lay corn tortilla in pan.
- Once tortilla becomes a little crispy, flip tortilla.
- Sprinkle cheese on tortilla.
- Crack egg over cheese on tortilla.
- Egg will run to the edges of the tortilla. Once set on the edges, flip the whole thing over.
- Cook until set.
- Put tortilla on a plate. Add beans. Garnish with more salsa. Eat.

What I enjoy about this recipe is that sometimes I may have avocado, or corn salsa, or sour cream or fresh cilantro in the fridge and it is easy to mix it up. I also use the same exact ingredients to make egg white tacos (heat corn tortillas separately, add tbsp of water to egg whites, cook in pan, then assemble taco style).

However you choose to mix it up, don't even think about wasting those last four beans left on the plate (unless you are afraid of chihuahua farts - THIS VIDEO DOES NOT CONTAIN ANY EXPLICIT DEPICTIONS OF CHIHUAHUA FARTS):

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Buttons. Protected by Space Tigers.

When I was a kid, my sister and I would spend hours sifting through my mom's tin of buttons. First we would sort them by size, then by color, then we'd each pick out our favorites and make little button families out of them. Each button had it's own personality (that enormous burnt-orange jagged one was SO MEAN.)

For my birthday this year, my sister gave me a tin of vintage buttons. She knows me well - it was the perfect gift. It brought back a lot of memories of me as a kid, sticking my whole hand in the tin and slowly letting the buttons roll over my fingers. I don't think I am alone in this memory, as promptly after I opened the tin, everyone else in the room did that exact thing. So these buttons have been fondled. Heavily. By multiple persons.

Here is a sample of some of the goodies. (Since I was given these, some of my own trinkets have made their way into the mix: an Obama button, the Ernie pendant, a pumpkin earring - but the rest are all bonafide crusty old buttons).

More BUTTONS BUTTONS

Inexplicably, everyone who has a button collection is required to store them in a Danish butter cookie tin. These particular buttons came in a lovely Christmas tin of their own with a very pleasant looking young lady on the front. I started my own button tin in high school and I am not overstating this when I say, my tin is probably the coolest, most awesomest button tin that ever was. It has tiger cubs on the front. And they are in space. Behold:

Best Space Friends Forever

Yes, they are standing on the Earth. And, yes, that is a moonscape in the background. And, yes, the orange kitteh has a bigger head than the white kitteh. The only thing that could make this better is if they were sharing a single glass of Tang with two bendy straws sticking out of the glass.

OR... if there was a sexy kitteh using the Earth as a pillow. Or a mommy kitteh holding a baby kitteh holding the Earth. Or if one of the kittehs posed like Jesus.

Sexy Space Tiger! Lions!  In Space!! Space Kat

(Click pictures for better detail)

Friday, August 14, 2009

Getting to Know: the Naked Man Living with Me

I am a bad hostess. If you paid me a visit, I probably wouldn't offer you a beverage. You would stand there, slowly wasting away into a cotton ball with your lips growing increasingly cracked and then right before your eyes roll back into your head, I will realize you might be thirsty. And as I ask you if you want a drink I will be thinking, "Do I even HAVE anything to drink?" Because your options will most likely be water or some form of alcohol. I am the type of hostess who gives large quantities of booze to the severely dehydrated. After I make them dehydrated.

This might explain why when I had the unexpected guest arrive several months ago in the mail (see previous post), not only did I not offer him a drink, I didn't even ask him his name. He's been sleeping on my desk amongst last year's Christmas cards. A couple of times I used him as a paperweight. But it was just those two times. I swear.

So, I have decided it would be the "hospitable" thing to do to get to know him better. And to gather as much information about him as possible to send with him to his next destination. Except he's not talking. Probably because his lips are plastic and fused together.

That is where I need your help, creative peoples! Tell me about my naked roommate. Things like:
* Name
* Origins
* Childhood Ambitions
* Favorite Pizza Toppings
* How the string coming out of his head came to be
* How he became a nudist
* Where he got his face tattoo
* Anything else your brain can fancy

Send your ideas to sheiladilling (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Using the information you send me, I will put together a variety of accessories, a "Naked Man Kit" so to speak. I'll take pics of everything and post them here.

With any luck, when he arrives at the next person's door there will be no awkwardness, only love. And possibly beverages.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

WHINERS!

I continue to receive complaints about the lack of posts on this here space of internet. I don't get it. I was under the impression we broke up months ago. So, yeah... this is awkward.

I'm not quite sure how this happened really. I used the same technique my boyfriend used on me when we broke up in sixth grade. Wherein all communication comes to a complete stop, no one actually verbalizes the break up, and then both parties deny the relationship ever existed if anyone else inquires about it. Success!!

I suppose since some time has passed since I "allegedly" broke up with you, it is time to occasionally nod in your direction. Which is to say, I guess we can still be friends and hang out every once in a while.

Here is the part where I segue way into another topic.

Not too long ago, I received a package from my friend Jen. I was delighted! Joy of joys, a SURPRISE! I had no idea what it was but I knew it was gonna be great. Feast your eyes on my surprise:

Howdy!


This is how he arrived. Naked. With pen on his face. And a random string dangling out of his head. No explanation.

He seems to like Oklahoma but I can tell he is itching to move on to the next place. Who knows where it will end up next? Avoid your mailboxes.

p.s. I am pretty sure my sixth grade boyfriend broke up with me because he was feeling a little insecure and was questioning whether he had anything to offer (THIS IS MY STORY PLEASE DO NOT OFFER RE-INTERPRETATIONS THANK YOU VERY MUCH.) I am just pointing that out because, um, I think it applies? I get your e-mails and they are great. I am amazed that you have stuck around this long because I really don't deserve the attention. You give, I take - and it's rude. I am a rude dude. And rude dudes will ignore you instead of saying I'm sorry so they can avoid feeling all douchey inside for the five minutes it takes to acknowledge said douchey behavior and then move on with their lives. Also, they start working at Denny's in high school and you find out ten years later that they are STILL WORKING THERE.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Apologies.


You are cordially invited, originally uploaded by cgines.

New post coming soon.

Hope you are all finding lots of lovely in your day.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

High-Five!!!

Once upon a time, I made stuff. See:

Mother's Day 1978

I was three when this was made. I am pretty sure my dad may have assisted me with this, but let's not give him too much credit, okay?

Last year, I was lucky enough to participate in the CreateADay project. It started as a group of strangers with a new year's resolution to make something every day. Very quickly, bonds were formed and the group became an inspirational give and take. The most recent version of this project is EverydayCreate. I am embarassed to admit, I just submitted my first post this year. Yikes. It involves humiliating the dog and I am very proud to say, my dad didn't help me with it one bit.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Art-O-Matic

Here is something that will get you thinking you are wasting your life away trying to decipher LOST and dressing your dog up like Big Gay Al.

Robayre has made a video! She's also painted a series of miniature canvases featured in the video. And amazingly enough, the paintings are based on miniature collages she created (which you can see more of here and here). Check it out:



If you go to the Art-O-Mat sight they will tell you if you have one in your town. Sacramento people can go to the good ole Crocker Museum (see tangent below). And it looks like Oklahoma has one, so I am thinking I will investigate this over the weekend and perhaps bring a crowbar to "inspect" the machine for any Robayre originals.

***The Crocker is FREE on Sundays before noon. So let's say maybe you had too much wine Saturday night and maybe you only live several blocks away from the Crocker and maybe you only got a few bucks in your pocket and maybe you are thinking it is best if you just stay in bed. Don't do it! Call a friend, get thee to the coffee shop, get a hot beverage of your choice and walk to the museum. This is not just a great hangover cure, but is also the outline for one of my favorite Sundays ever.

Monday, February 2, 2009

I'll sing these songs in a box with a fox or in a house with a mouse

On a road trip, my ex-boyfriend asks me not so delicately to please STOP singing along with the radio. At the time, I find this confusing. What does a sense of pitch or melody or tone have to do with a passionate delivery of lyrics that really speak to you? Shouldn't he recognize that I am carefree and full of joie de vivre and find me endearing for it? I have since heard myself sing and must say that no amount of performance ability can protect human ears from the noise I can create when I am "feeling it". My bad, dude. But you never did get me anyway. The song that I couldn't keep myself from singing that weekend was Ben Harper's "Save Tonight". Whenever it comes on the radio, I crank it up. "Tomorrow I'll be gone......."

Letterbox by They Might Be Giants

This song is super short, but you have to sing it really fast. "And I'll never never know, what you never never never want to know, when you know

What you are, oooooooooooooo."

Laid by James

This song is drrrty with lots of smarty pants lyrics. Saw these guys in concert, so I feel like I have a little bit of hands on experience on the delivery.

Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J

Rap songs are a bad singers best friend! They are usually fairly monotone or often use funny voices. I would also sing almost anything from Cypress Hill or Beastie Boys.