Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Smell ya later...

YAY! It's spring! Your chihuahua-terrier is dying to go for a walk in the park and since the sun is shining and you yourself have gone from ghostly pale to practically fluorescent over the winter, you are happy to oblige. But not so fast. While your chihuahua-terrier is grateful for the extra outside time, she does have some standards of conduct she expects you to adhere to. See below:

*Please do not attempt to take photographs, enjoy the scenery, or speak with anyone else in the park. Your chihuahua-terrier expects you to take care of these distractions on YOUR TIME. There is simply no time to be wasted taking pretty pictures when there is sniffing and pissing to do.

*Please steer clear of any... "others" that may be in the park. Your chihuahua-terrier is aware that the park is a public place, a fact that is unfortunately out of her control. She must insist, however, that all other park visitors make no attempt to initiate eye contact and under no circumstances make any attempt to pet her. Yes, she is cute. (Your chihuahua-terrier has even heard some say irresistibly cute). This is a fact that can not be changed and your chihuahua-terrier would like to ask: do you think people just walk right up to Dakota Fanning when SHE is at the park and expect her to amp up the adorable for their amusement? Okay, probably. But the point is your chihuahua-terrier is not Dakota Fanning. She is more like..... one of the Olsen twins. Polite, as long as you keep your distance, otherwise she's calling security.

*There is of course, an exception to the above rule. There IS a type of person for which your chihuahua-terrier will immediately wag her tail and exhibit every doggy behavior she can think of to communicate, "You are my kind of people", no matter where she goes. Is it the business lady in the expensive suit that showers your chihuahua-terrier with baby talk? Please! Keep walking, lady. Is it the security guard that has greeted your chihuahua-terrier every morning for the past 2 years on the way to his shift? NO WANT. Your chihuahua-terrier prefers the company of someone who is more of a free-spirit of sorts. Someone who not only visits the park but pretty much lives there. Your chihuahua-terrier LOVES homeless people. Her reaction to a staggering figure in the distance cursing out the shrubbery is not unlike your response to finding a twenty-dollar bill on the sidewalk. OH, LUCKY DAY!

Your chihuahua-terrier would appreciate it if you didn't judge her choice of friends.

6 comments:

Jerdre53 said...

Oh Piper. You are SO Mary-Kate.

sweetcheese said...

Piper: You know who the most interesting people are. They probably have all SORTS of smells to smell!

Sheila: You are making me laugh so hard I am crying.

I need to go find a Kleenex.

sheasy said...

A classic revised:

My dog has BUMS who have fleeeeaaaas.

Distressing Delilah said...

Too cute! I could say somewhat the same of my dogs!

robayre said...

Your title made me think of the salutations my brother and I often leave each other, from a simpsons episode; He'll say "Smell ya later" and I'll say "Smell ya later forever, Bart"

Tiffany Teske said...

Oh My GOD, Sheasy, you are freakin' hhhhhHILARIOUS!!!