Thursday, April 10, 2008

Smelly.... but it's natural!!

My dog has fleas. Okay, maybe just one flea, last week. I killed it and even though I haven't seen another one since, I feel as if they are ON ME but invisible and gathering regularly to re-enact Dancing with the Stars on my body.

In order to soothe the dog (and my not-so-mild paranoia) I found some "natural" spray for dogs that repels and kills things that go "itch" in the night... and in the car... and at your desk at work. The ingredients include a bunch of stuff like peppermint oil and jfksj oil and jlsdfkjlj oil. OK, I didn't look that closely but it was all easily recognizable herby-type things and there was no skull and crossbones on the bottle.... SOLD!

I slightly mist the dog with the spray. Immediately I feel as if someone has stuffed each my nostrils with a tablespoon of a Ben-Gay and Noxzema concoction and sealed them shut with Duct Tape. I sneeze.

The doggy sneezes. The doggy sneezes again. The doggy starts sliding her body across the rug scraping her cheeks as she goes. Doggy does this again. And again. Doggy wants this smell OFF. Doggy slides her body along the mattress. Doggy crawls under the bed back and forth four times. Doggy jumps on couch and attempts to crawl under the couch cushion. Doggy jumps on bed. Doggy rolls around and around on blankets, sheets, and pillows. Doggy crawls under chair. Aaaaaaahhh... doggy is not happy, but doggy is calm.

Two hours later, the apartment smells like a warehouse for hanging Pine-Tree deodorizers. Doggy is staring at me and sighing deeply every 5 minutes. Time to go to bed. I give the doggy a cookie as reward for... um, not freaking out? I crawl in bed. I start to read my book. Doggy continues to stare. Doggy crawls under the pillow upon which I am resting my head. Ignoring doggy.

One hour later, no sleep for me. it's 11:00. Doggy will not sleep. I get up, run the bath, chase doggy all over apartment, plop doggy in bathtub, rub doggy with shampoo, and towel-dry doggy.

Next time: I'm going toxic all the way, baby.

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