Friday, June 6, 2008

The "Three Ps" of Freeloading

Freeloading

Step 1: Persistence. If you are going to get something for nothing, it's KEY that you be willing to ask for it over and over and over until people forget that they are highly allergic to you. For example, if you show up at the back entrance of an apartment building, stick around for about a year. Eye contact may be avoided. Alternate routes may be taken. Signs may be posted. DO NOT GIVE UP. Remember, you have nothing to lose but everything to gain. FOCUS.

Step 2: Personality. U haz it. People may resist being "freeloaded upon". This is natural. If you sense that someone is avoiding you, then be coy. When you see them drive up, run under their car before they get out, then as they walk away, peer out from under the rear bumper. THIS IS VERY ADORABLE. Trust me. I met my last boyfriend this way. AND Mama didn't lie when she said play hard to get. 'Cause desperation is a very permanent stink. Also, try not to actually stink.

Step 3: Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

On a completely unrelated note: this is a cat in my neighborhood I started calling "Dude". As in, "Dude, get out of my way", "Dude, you can't stay here", "Dude, I am not joking". At some point I started calling him, "Hey, Dude", "Whaddya do today, Dude?" and "Look at yoooooou, Dude"! He is an unofficial tenant and he is the one thing that each neighbor has in common. That and all the lead-based paint.

(By the way, those ARE my legs. I did a twist, drop, and shoot to get this shot. Some of the best pictures I've taken are ones where I stopped, aimed and clicked without looking through the camera. Plus, you can't even tell how stubbly my calves are, so yeah, I'm happy with how this turned out).

(Another side note: I've been TAGGED! So stay tuned for some weird sheasy facts).

3 comments:

Stacy's Designs 88 said...

As always, you always always make me chuckle and then laugh out loud. Thank you! I think I'm going to describe you as being a blog comedian. Hopefully, you'll be lucky enuf next time Kathy's in your town to see her act. She was totally funny and I know there were people there who wanted to put some earplugs on when I was laughing hysterically. EEEEkkk!

Please keep me informed of when you post your facts.

Have a terrific weekend! Keep up the blogging b/c I just love to laugh. ;)

Stacy

sweetcheese said...

I wish I could post a recording of me laughing. I am snorting. And thanks for the tips--I may have to squirm my way under a bumper soon...

Esther V. said...

Dude is soooo cute and as always, you made me laugh AND snort out loud.