Friday, August 14, 2009

Getting to Know: the Naked Man Living with Me

I am a bad hostess. If you paid me a visit, I probably wouldn't offer you a beverage. You would stand there, slowly wasting away into a cotton ball with your lips growing increasingly cracked and then right before your eyes roll back into your head, I will realize you might be thirsty. And as I ask you if you want a drink I will be thinking, "Do I even HAVE anything to drink?" Because your options will most likely be water or some form of alcohol. I am the type of hostess who gives large quantities of booze to the severely dehydrated. After I make them dehydrated.

This might explain why when I had the unexpected guest arrive several months ago in the mail (see previous post), not only did I not offer him a drink, I didn't even ask him his name. He's been sleeping on my desk amongst last year's Christmas cards. A couple of times I used him as a paperweight. But it was just those two times. I swear.

So, I have decided it would be the "hospitable" thing to do to get to know him better. And to gather as much information about him as possible to send with him to his next destination. Except he's not talking. Probably because his lips are plastic and fused together.

That is where I need your help, creative peoples! Tell me about my naked roommate. Things like:
* Name
* Origins
* Childhood Ambitions
* Favorite Pizza Toppings
* How the string coming out of his head came to be
* How he became a nudist
* Where he got his face tattoo
* Anything else your brain can fancy

Send your ideas to sheiladilling (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Using the information you send me, I will put together a variety of accessories, a "Naked Man Kit" so to speak. I'll take pics of everything and post them here.

With any luck, when he arrives at the next person's door there will be no awkwardness, only love. And possibly beverages.

2 comments:

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

I'm parched. Got any booze?

Maura said...

I'm still reeling over the fact that you posted again already. But I'll see what I can come up with on your naked guy.